I think my brain is melting. And that I’m imploding.
I find times like this kind of fascinating. In a weird out of body experience sort of way. Because when this happens (which seems to be too frequently now), I am also crazily productive. I think because I’m desperately trying to prevent the meltdown. Although, I don’t think the extra boost of productivity helps (besides getting some stuff done). And even then, I’m not entirely sure of the quality of the results.
How else do I know this is happening? Well, lots of reasons, including, but not limited to the following:
- I’m snaping at people left and right. Things that I normally would just brush aside (or vent to myself) I’m no longer able to keep contained. They bug me enough I need to speak out.
- My verbal language skills fall apart. Yes, this one drives me nuts and is odd. I know what I want to say. But my mouth starts spouting out random words in replace of the ones I mean. For example, at lunch the other day, I told people I wasn’t allowed to order soup. What I meant, was that I shouldn’t be allowed to order fries (eating healthier is on my list, and I’ve eaten out more than is healthy recently). I’m able to correct myself after, but still so frustrating.
- Uncontrollable laughter over stupid things (that no one else finds funny) that results in tears. Not sad tears. And not full on crying. But obviously my body trying to push the stress out someway.
- Inability to fully care about stuff that I normally would care about. I was “helping” someone test their experiment, and halfway through just stopped caring. Normally, my feedback would’ve been super thorough. Not this time.
It doesn’t help that the last time I did “real” exercise was last Wednesday. A week ago. Ugh. Not good. I’m hoping/planning on going today. Because I need that stress relief.
I also know I’m stressed and close to the edge (of a meltdown) because, at the moment, quitting school, working on my start-up full time, for no money, sounds less stressful. Which is crazy – because I’d still need to pay bills. But at least would feel more fulfilling than what I’m currently doing.